Ted Schmitz reviews everywhere Adam Abada, ate in the Tempe/Phoenix area during three years of visiting Slow Impact. ***indicates editor’s (Adam’s) favorites.
Monkey Pants Bar & Grill – 3223 S. Mill Ave, Tempe, AZ 85282
Behind the second-most prominent brake shop in the city.
Tempe Tavern – 1810 E. Apache Blvd, Tempe, AZ 85281
I kinda forget what this place is. I take it back. We used to play trivia there.
Thai Basil – 403 W. University Dr. #101, Tempe, AZ, 85281
The crown jewel of Tempe. I went at least twice a week for a dozen years. I ordered the same thing every time. People rave about the curry, but I’m too locked in to try something new. The owner knows my first name and birthday.
Rips Bar – 3045 N. 16th St, Phoenix, AZ, 85016
I think this place has air hockey. 8/10 right there.
Cheba Hut – 960 W. University Drive, Tempe, AZ, 85281
Every sandwich is a weed pun. Really funny when you’re in the 6th grade, tremendously embarrassing when you’re in a rush and need to eat a sandwich.
Culver’s – 630 E. Southern Ave, Tempe, AZ 85282
Never been. Not only have I not heard good things, I haven’t heard things at all.
Portillo’s – 655 McClintock Drive, Tempe, AZ 85281
My roommate screamed at someone for putting ketchup on their hotdog there.
Durant’s Steakhouse – 2611 N. Central Ave, Phoenix, AZ, 85004***
Never been. Sounds like rich people shit.
Burrito Express – 933 E. University Dr. #108, Tempe, AZ 85288 (location permanently closed)
I don’t even remember what I got. Absolutely serviceable.
Palo Verde Lounge – 1015 We Broadway Rd, Tempe, AZ, 85282***
This is where all the seedy people go to hang out.
Sack’s Sandwicherie – 839 W. University Dr, Tempe, AZ, 85281
The most habitually mid sandwich I have ever had.
Cornish Pasty – 960 W. University Dr. #103, Tempe, AZ, 85281 (also ate at the one on Monroe – good corner vibe across from those banks downtown)
Every skater has worked here. Don’t say pasty like “pastry.” It’s pah-stee.
Time Out Lounge – 3129 S. Mill Ave, Tempe, AZ 85282
The most mid bar in America.
Royale Lounge – 2310 N. 16th St, Phoenix, AZ, 85006***
Lol, what? Sounds British. Have fun watchin’ footy or whatever.
Dilly Dally Lounge – 3639 E Indian School Rd, Phoenix, AZ 85018
Who makes these names up? 0/10. Never been.
Groggy’s Bar & Grill – 2207 W. Main St, Mesa, AZ, 85201
I know the sign.
Wanderin’ – 4140 E. McDowell Rd. Phoenix AZ, 85008
I’m starting to think that you’ve been to more bars than me.
Casey Moore’s Oyster House – 850 S. Ash Ave, Tempe, AZ 85281
This is THE bar in Tempe. You like burnout skaters? You like smoking on a patio? You like Figgy forgetting your name while you say what’s up to him in the bathroom while peeing? You can do it all there.
Harlow’s Cafe – 1021 W. University Dr. Tempe AZ 85281***
You’ll feel like Agent Dale Cooper walking into this time capsule diner. They’ve got a damn fine cup of coffee that’s also hot. The most working-class, truck-drivin’, horse-ownin’ crowd in Tempe. I love it, even if there’s a ‘Don’t Tread On Me’ flag somewhere in there.
Chili’s – 400 W. University Dr, Tempe, AZ 85281
This used to be Boston’s Pizza. That place also sucked, but it saved my dog’s life once. He got out and bolted towards University and there’s no way I would’ve caught him, except when he passed Boston’s Pizza he caught his reflection in the mirror and halted to admire his gorgeous self.
Chuckbox – 202 E. University Dr, Tempe, AZ 85281***
I grew up going there every week with my dad and brother. The only thing we agreed on was that it was the best burger in town. The country western aesthetic didn’t used to feel ironic.
Nhat Vietnamese – 933 E. University Dr #116, Tempe, AZ 85288
This strip mall used to have the worst pizza place that ever existed.
The Bikini Lounge – 1502 Grand Ave, Phoenix, AZ 85007***
Next to the scariest crafts shop I have ever seen. It’s like if Lisa Frank had an art gallery that was only open for Dia de los Muertos. Fucked energy. The Bikini Lounge is sick though and ued to have a good Cumbia night.
