ollie

I know from experience that valet can be the best and worst job, which happens to be your current occupation. What’s the deal with your favorite customer, the White Whale?

I valet at this nice steak house, and this guy comes in guns blazing like Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack but even more raunchy. He’s wild, but also a serious baller, so he’s allowed to do pretty much whatever he wants, because everyone knows he’s gonna treat them well. He gives each valet $100 every time he comes in, so whenever I see that guy pull up it makes my day.

Your dog, Marlo, eats everything. Some would say he’s a genius. What’s up with his teeth, and how does he eat?

Haha, he’s a bull terrier that my girlfriend and I rescued. All his teeth were grinded down and rotting when we first got him. So he had to get like 18 of his front teeth removed. We think he was a bait dog, hence the grinded down teeth. Pretty fucked up, but he has his back teeth so that’s how he eats.

What’s up with the crop duster Pulaski switch flips?

Haha, all flip tricks come and go. Sometimes they work perfectly, but most of the time they look like shit for me.

kickflip

Any good Baltimore stories come to mind?

Man this is a hard one. As most people know, Baltimore is hood as shit, and unfortunately some of the best spots are in the hood. So we’re at this spot and dudes start coming up to me and talking about skating. I expect them to know Tony Hawk or maybe Bucky Lasek because he’s from the area. This hood ass dude throws out Dennis Busenitz’s name. I just started laughing in my head wondering how in the hell does this guy know about him. Same spot same day, this guy comes talking about how we’re making the block hot and we need to get the fuck outta there. We’re all like, okay understandable, this is your neighborhood, we’ll leave. For some reason, the other people in the neighborhood start standing up for us heavily, to the point where I thought they were gonna fight their boy over it. We ended up skating a little longer and leaving on our own will. So there is one good thing about skateboarding’s popularity.

Give me three of the biggest differences between the greatest city in America (Baltimore) and Hollywood for ugly people (Washington D.C.).

Baltimore is blue collar and D.C. is white collar. People in D.C. are far more attractive than the people in Baltimore. Getting kicked out of spots in Baltimore is very rare. It is expected to be kicked out of every spot in D.C. Oh and D.C. has a thousand more ledges than Baltimore. They’re pretty much polar opposite cities.

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